More About Guilt….

Wisdom from a Professional 

I am so fortunate to get to know and work with amazing professionals at J&J. Sue Zema is one of them. Sue is one of the many Employee Assistance leaders who support our J&J staff. She is a loving and compassionate person that employees easily connect with. She has also been an amazing supporter of the work I am doing by authentically sharing my story to raise awareness and compassion for mental illness and the caregivers of those suffering from mental illness. Thank you Sue.

When she read my last entry on guilt, she generously shared her thoughts with me. With her permission, I wanted to pass them along to you.

• Remember that guilt is a feeling and feelings can come and go. We can learn how to “check them” so that they don’t poison our minds.
• Always remember that having support is CRUCIAL.

A few things we can do to turn that guilt thinking around:

• Self-compassion – Build your self-nurturance skills. This means, eating, sleeping well and some form of exercise. It also may mean asking those in your corner to write down what they love about you and then carry that with you. Show yourself the same compassion as you would a child.
• Become aware of the words we use to tell ourselves who we are – Beware super aware of “ANTS”- automatic negative thoughts. Replace “I’m not enough” or “I’m an idiot” with ….”I’m doing the best I can” and “I’m allowed to set boundaries”. “I’m smart and caring and if I make a mistake it’s OK-nobody’s perfect.” Sue calls this “when your head talks trash”.
• Use your energy to build a store of resilience – We all have it. But, it’s like a muscle that expands and contracts as needed. That means understanding that you have the skills and abilities to combat challenges and change.
• Staying connected is crucial – Know how to reach out and do it! Isolation can only give this feeling of guilt more power.

Guilt is sometimes brought about because we feel we have abandoned the person when we set healthy boundaries. Sometimes this is a projection of the abandonment that maybe we have felt or are feeling.

Susan Zema, M.A., CEAP

Employee Assistance, Sr. Consultant

Johnson & Johnson